skeleton number one.

I have been able to avoid telling this story to anyone for a very long time. However after reading an article on the subject earlier this morning I felt it was a sign from God to… come clean.

I have had the e-mail address I currently use for a very long time. Fortunate enough to have a computer most of my life, as soon as the Internet became popular there I was using the “coolest” thing since “peanut butter and bacon sandwiches” – hotmail.

I remember sitting around for days day-dreaming of what my e-mail should be. Should I copy my friends? Sweet_thang69? or cutieangelgirl08? or something even better – spicegirl4life?
I could not decide!
It was an extremely important decision; I would be giving it out to all of my friends (which I had conculded would be my whole entire year once I got msn), would use it when applying for a job one day, corresponding with family, would probably have to keep it for the rest of my life (because I figured everything available would be taken very soon) and would be showing up as my screen name in all the chat rooms I planned on visiting (dont worry… nothing “riskey“, the chat rooms were for starcraft or anime most likely).

I was afraid of being judged by the name. I didn’t want to come off as a slut at the age of 13, especially because I would eventually be using it for jobs and with family. I didn’t want to use my real name because I was well aware how “dangerous” using the Internet was. I didn’t want to choose something which implied a trend which could become “uncool” very quickly (I learned the hard way with pogs, devil sticks, crazy bones, my little pony… just to name a few), but most of all I wanted my friends to be able to remember it.

Then it hit me. I was sitting on the floor in Mrs. Clarke’s music class in grade 7 and I noticed a certain boy whom I fancied was staring RIGHT at my chest! To clarify, I had no attention paid to me within elementary school. I tried to compensate by becoming an over achiever; you know, school council rep, president of the student council, read the morning announcements, organized the Easter pageant, and so forth. To have this wonderfully scrumptious and idolized boy so obviously fixated on ME?! It made my month to say the least. Looking back I laugh. If someone was to stare at my chest (or lack there of) nowadays he would surely get a clocking to the jaw (or at least a lengthy talking to).

Anyways, getting back on track, while I was flattered at first by the gesture I soon became very insecure and convinced myself that there was no way he was checking me out. First of all, yes, I did develop kinda early in school (which I would like to add has stayed the same size since) and lead to the nickname “patissue“. But I was sure there must be another reason why he was looking at me; then it came to me. My shirt. It was BRIGHT orange with a green plastic emblem on the front; jnco.

I had found my answer and soon after registered my e-mail address. My plans for popularity and social networking did not soon follow to my disappointment, but the e-mail has stuck with me ever since. Some may say due to laziness; its a hard process getting everyone you know to change your contact information. Then there is the slight possibility that someone from my past will want to contact me out of the blue one day. But wait, e-mail is unregistered? What a shame! “She shall never know I always loved her.” Others may say that I haven’t changed it because its a reminder of lessons from the past. I’d say in lazy.

Here’s the kicker. Over the years I have received DOZENS upon dozens of inquiries,”what does your e-mail address stand for?” (for reference jnco_inc@hotmail.com) Every time I hear someone utter this statement my heart skips a beat. Should I tell them? No. Do they know and are taunting me? Lets hope not.

My deep dark secret is that the e-mail accidentally stands for a clothing company which started the “baggy pant” trend. The added “inc” on the end didn’t help either. God damn it.

For years I have been worried people would secretly think I was a closet rap enthusiast who has a collection of wu tang clang cds under my bed, many multi-coloured bandanas, who spends weekends hanging with my “posse” rollin a dube and engaging in overall delinquency.

I have survived. Left unscathed, my reputation never affected. That I know of…

Then I come across this article today. Saggy pants law? It seems to be a trend that U.S. communities are banning their children from wearing their pants to low. Thank god! Horrible trend. One of the worst. Almost as bad as spaghetti straps over a white t-shirt or anything “Northern Getaway.” After reading further into the article I realize that they haven’t banned baggy pants because it was a fashion fauz-pas, but instead it had connections to prison sex. Yes, prison sex.

Parents be warned, if your 10 year old son keeps his pants on the bottom of his ass exposing his boxers hes asking for sex. Scary thought but sure is good incentive to clean up your childs image. I am just disappointed I didn’t know this tidbit any sooner. It sure would have come in handy as a comeback to all those bullys on the playground who used to baggier me about wearing flood pants or “stuffing” my bra.

Alas, maybe its time to move on, change my e-mail. Its the end of the era.

Sad thing is though; I still own the shirt.

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN1333370820080314?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews